"Yes, We're Together"

“How was everything folks? Can I get anyone another drink? Another glass of wine?” our waiter asked making a last minute pitch to solidify a generous tip.

“Nope, we’re all set. Could we have the check please? We’re trying to catch a movie,” my husband replied.

“Sure, do you need the check split?”

“Yup. Could you just split it between the three couples?”

All of a sudden a puzzled look came across our waiter’s face. Our formerly fast-talking and gregarious waiter suddenly began stammering, wrinkling his eyebrows and looked like it hurt for him to think. Either that or he was constipated. I began laughing because I knew the cause of his perplexed look. We were three interracial couples sharing a meal dinner together and he didn’t quite know “who to pair with whom.”

Strangely enough, my husband and I find ourselves stating, “Yes, we’re together,” most often in places projected as bastions of progressivism like the prepared foods counter at Whole Foods, the Trader Joe’s cash register, the Summer Farmer’s Market, Macy’s or the elevator in our apartment building. How ironic then that so many people in so many “open-minded” cities question the idea that a man and a woman, of different races, could choose to be together on purpose.


  1. This is a great website. I found it by accident and haven't stop reading your posts yet, even the old and even older ones lol. Being in an interracial relationship myself for 3 years (im black, he's white) I find myself telling people yes we're together all the time because they feel they feel the need question it. I think its funny most of the time how people just look so confused like they just can't wrap their heads around us being together. I'm just glad I found a website with people that understand what we go through. But like my boyfriend always says "If they're not happy with us being together it's their problem, not ours."

  2. @Erica
    Welcome and thanks for reading! I believe nothing in life is random, so I'm glad you found the site, even by accident. To take it to another level, I actually just had my first YWT moment with one of my in-laws yesterday at Whole Foods, lol, a true "bonding" moment.

  3. Hi,
    I'm new to your blog and just going through your older entries. Wow.
    I'm black and live in Africa.
    There are a couple of times I've been with white male colleagues or acquaintances (I know it's different from a boyfriend, fiance or husband situation) but the reactions of the service personnel are (in retrospect) hilarious and just plain pitiful. Some "oh we're together moments" included for instance, once my white colleagues walked into a restaurant without me, when I sauntered in after them, I was told the restaurant was full (which it was) when I pointed out I was with some people who had walked in and had a table and pointed them out, the waitress looked at me with disbelief in her eyes and hesitated and only when they waved at me and called me over did she try to guide me to the table (yes we're together). Another time, I was with a white male colleague in a supermarket and we walked up to the till, the teller reached behind me and indicated for my colleague to place his goods on the till, him knowing I was about to throw a hissy fit quickly said 'we're together' she said 'oh' and I stared daggers at her.
    In my neck of the woods when a black woman is seen with a white man there is one general sweeping assumption made - no questions asked; she is a sex worker (aka prostitute) or she's with him for money, which arises form the assumption that most white people in the country are foreigners and are wealthy foreigners at that. Even if they happen to be local white people - they are rich, therefore black women who date white men do so for the money, someone once said 'you don't have to walk the streets to be a prostitute.' As for the white men, the general assumption is they are simply toying with the local women - an exotic adventure nothing permanent. Funny thing is, even when there is a bi-racial child between the interracial couple - the 2 seconds too long glances and cynical accusing stares from strangers are omni-present. Things are slowly changing but way too slowly.
    There is also an intangible segregation among the various races here, there's rarely social interaction among the races. Most interaction consists of business lunches or night club liasons - you know the ones where either or both parties are inebriated and urgently need to attend to a figurative itch. Which is why it's difficult for a waitress/waiter to acknowledge that me dressed in jeans, t-shirt and pumps, can have lunch with my white male colleague similarly dressed in jeans, t-shirt and sneakers and finds it even more difficult to believe that I am paying! The issue of who gets the bill at interracial lunches or dinners is a story for another day.
    This is a little of my story - thought I'd share my perspective.
    You have an interesting blog addressing critical issues. I look forward to reading more.

    1. Late commenting here, but I just wanted to say @Noiree etBelle: Get out of my head! This is EXACTLY what I was talking about with my husband (for the umpteenth time) today! I'm on this blog because of the "Yes, we're together" debacle we experience every time we go out. Don't even get me started on the sex worker thing. It makes me really self-conscious out in public sometimes even though I pay for our pricier outings (since they're my idea, tee-hee). I know some people incorrectly assume I'm some leech using sex to get in his pockets based on second hand comments related to me by him from his colleagues and an ex-boss of his outright implied I was a gold digger to my face! I try to take these situations in stride and inject a little humour into them, but the utter ignorance drives me crazy! Nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

  4. @Noiree
    Thanks for sharing and reading!